I have been thinking about this so much lately. I actually found a disturbing fact online (it was on a graphic so I didn’t save it) and I have no idea where the actual fact came from, so maybe it’s not true. Even if its not totally accurate, I can see it being right.
The average person tells 4 lies a day or 1460 a year; a total of 87,600 by the age of 60. And the most common lie is “I’m fine.”.
Well, that’s certainly food for thought. We can pretty much take out the first three years of life, since lies aren’t typical when you barely talk. With that said, how many times have you asked a two year old, “Did you make that mess?” and they say “Nope.” That means we are programmed early on to tell a lie, typically so we avoid getting in trouble. But then if you look at the end of the fact, “I’m fine.”, we are all guilty of this I’m sure.
I am definitely guilty of using “I’m fine” to mask or cover up how I am really doing or feeling. I don’t really know why I do this, but I think as humans we are programmed to not dump our problems on someone else, or at least that was how I was raised. I mean, if someone asks you, “How are you doing?”… they’d rather get an answer like “I’m fine.” or “I’m good.” rather than, “well, I’m actually going through a divorce, I’m stressed and depressed and I can’t function properly.” Who wants to hear that?
There is one thing in life I cannot stand, and that is being lied to. Whether it is a true lie, an omission of the truth or simply what many dub as a “white lie”, it all sucks and I hate it. The absolute worst part is when you know you are being lied to, you try to trip them up and you watch them tell more lies to cover or distract. It absolutely makes me nuts.
Lying in Personal Relationships
If I ask you how you are doing, just be honest. If I ask you why you did something, just be honest. Don’t sugar coat, don’t lie, don’t try to hide the truth because you are afraid of getting in trouble, you are afraid of my reaction or you are simply trying to protect me from the truth. I am worth it. I deserve that.
I am an adult. I don’t need protecting. And it feels like it’s happening more and more. As we get older, we think we can protect others by not telling them the truth, when what this does it make us distrust the person (especially when we know they are lying), as well as generally making us not tell them the truth either. It’s human nature. We treat others as we wish to be treated and when someone goes against this, it’s a natural progression to put up walls and hide things.
Are you worth it?
I think I am. In fact, if you lie to me and I find out, not only will I not trust anything you say (including when I suspect you are actually BEING honest), but I will begin to push you away, not tell you things anymore and just generally change the dynamic we once had. I am worth having the truth told to. Do you believe I am? If not, I’m probably on the path to cutting you out of my life. Just sayin’.
The problem though is this; It doesn’t just stop with personal interactions and relationships. The trend seems to carry over into work relationships, jobs, etc. Even who we are online is probably not an accurate interpretation of who we are. I recently discovered this when a friend assumed my life was one way, and he could see in real life that it was not. Did I do it intentionally? Not necessarily. But again, who wants to air dirty laundry out for the world to see? Not me. Now that I am aware of how I present myself, I will begin the slow path to change that and more accurately portray my life without negativity and airing out private matters, but still being honest.
Dishonest Brand Relationships
I won’t work with a brand who doesn’t disclose everything. I have one brand who has been insistently emailing me since sending me a product over 5 months ago, and wants me to change my link from “no follow” to “do follow”, wants me to lie and say I didn’t receive product for my review. Uhm. No. First of all, it’s against the FTC Guidelines for Brands and Bloggers. I pointed this out and they didn’t care. Second, when I did say there was no way I was going to change anything I had there (I was NOT paid for the record) they requested I sent back the product at my expense. Uhm. Again, no. This is not happening. This particular brand, I would A) never work with again B) will tell everyone to avoid and C) caused me to remove the review I did for them. I don’t like being lied to, and I won’t lie to my readers even in a product review. If you see a product review on my blog, I’ve tried the product and I either liked or didn’t based on what I said in the review. I don’t lie.
So, do tell me… are you worth it? Do you feel others in your life are worth it? If you are a “white liar”, how do you justify why you do it?